The canal - A man was left gutted earlier upon reading the news that new restrictions forbid swimming in the canal.
Swimming in the canal (followed by an excruciating three hour long session of vomiting and diarrhea due to excessive pollution in the canal) was usually a Sunday outing he would enjoy after a relaxing jog. However, according to the latest communication, this enjoyable activity will for the foreseeable future be outlawed and very likely be liable to a fine.
"Nothing brought me more joy than to swim in the canal while dodging boats, plastic waste and at times even human waste. Oh how I will miss the days of taking a nice deep dive underwater, seeing a dead body, swimming to the surface as fast I can then treat my lungs to a nice deep breath of polluted oxygen" the visibly distraught man stated.
At press time the man was seen toweling off after taking a brief dip in a municipal septic tank claiming that "it just wasn't the same without the floating dead fish and the urinating fishermen."