Saigon - An Irishman, who naively drank a cup of Vietnamese coffee in 2016, has finally managed to fall asleep for the first time since the tragic gaffe occurred.
Unaware at the time that Vietnamese coffee is stronger than the bond between a Labrador and a tennis ball, Paddy O'Gara drank the cup of coffee in what he labels as a "very irresponsible and regrettable" act. O'Gara's life was duly turned upside down as he spent the following 5 years, 3 months and 15 days without any sleep whatsoever.
Adding to the misery was an article he had read online that lack of sleep causes shrinkage in the testicles, resulting in him spending most of his days with a caliper and measuring tape in hand. This was naturally accompanied by bouts of crying after every square inch they shrunk (according to his measurements).
The Irish insomniac, who was diagnosed as being clinically psychotic due to lack of sleep, was delighted to experience the vaguely familiar feelings of tiredness after an involuntary yawn. "Jesus...could this be..? No... It can't... Am I...Sleepy? EUREKA!", he exclaimed.
Not too bothered by the fact that he was driving his motorbike at that precise moment, the man immediately fell to the ground like a sack of potatoes (the potato reference has nothing to do with the fact that he's Irish) while bellowing "Oh sweet sleep how I have missed you!" and fell asleep to the absolute awe and bafflement of other road users.
At press time the man ordered another 3 cups of Coffee after having woken up from a recurring sexual nightmare about his beloved granny, reminding him why he drank the cup of coffee in the first place.