Saigon - The implications of not having a haircut since April became apparent this morning, as Instagram blocked a harmless video of a foreigner, Gary. Despite his attempts to plead his case with the support team, the social media platform stood firm in its decision of Gary's unkempt hairstyle by labeling it reckless, offensive and nauseating.
The damning condemnation by Instagram and news that the lockdown has been extended by another month, left Gary contemplating a troubling realization. He either has to shave his hair brush-cut, leaving him looking like a soldier who skipped a few PT sessions, or let it grow while continuing to look like a mental patient on the loose.
Having not seen the inside of a barbershop in months the man’s head is now more of a mess than Britney Spears circa ‘07. Hairstylists from around the world agreed that Gary's hairstyle resembles the aftermath of a pile of raked leaves destroyed by a Jack Russel terrier. However, the condemnation should hardly come as a surprise to him. Earlier this week the students of his online class kindly requested him to turn off his camera, stating that his hairstyle was “disturbing to their concentration”.
At press time the local security guard (Mr. Lam) burst out in hysterical laughter after Gary got experimental and paraded around the lobby sporting his new man bun instead. “Christ you can’t go out like this, you look like a deformed acorn with facial hair,” said Mr. Lam using google translate while trying to find a pair of scissors for the fool.