Johannesburg, South Africa - Christmas (much like Santa himself) suffered a big blow earlier this morning, as reports surfaced of Santa being hijacked on William Nicol drive.
Apart from a non-fatal gunshot wound through the beard, Santa was luckily "only roughed up a little". However, 3 of his elves were tragically killed during the attack. The South African Police Service confirmed that due to the miniature size of the elves, the 3 murders will only count as one on their records. “The elves were about 60cm tall so 180cm in total, we did the math, it checks out.”
Santa’s attempt at reporting the incident to the police was in vain however, as the sergeant informed him that his sleigh has probably been stripped for spare parts already. He will sadly now be forced to deliver the remaining gifts that he could salvage via a rented 1.4 Toyota Corolla.
This has unfortunately not been an isolated incident. Earlier this year the tooth fairy was robbed of her magic wand and teeth valued at $2.1 million. Since the incident she brokered a deal with parents around the globe to extract and supply her with the teeth while paying them a 15% handling fee.
At press time, foreigners in Vietnam admitted that they were most distraught about the fact that they would be hearing “Last Christmas, I gave you my heart” for an additional 2 fucking weeks.