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Man's subconscious mind prepares traumatizing childhood memories ahead of lockdown

Updated: May 31, 2021

Saigon - Sources confirmed that a local man's subconscious mind is gathering "grade-A" traumatizing childhood memories to torture him with in preparation for the coming lockdown.



Knowing full well that the lockdown will render the man completely alone for the next two weeks or perhaps even longer, his subconscious mind agreed that the time is ripe to prove it can do a better job of psychologically rattling the poor bastard for good.


"I accept that I dropped the ball somewhat during the previous lockdown. I only showed him low-key traumatizing memories like his drunk and gropy grandfather on Christmas day. Did it open up some old wounds? Sure, of course it did. However, I believe I can, no, must do a better job of ruining him psychologically this time around" the oblivious bastard's subconscious mind stated at a press-conference.


The (reasonably happy for now) man's subconscious mind continued to thank the team of researchers who really did a stellar job of thoroughly digging deep into the dark corners of the (soon to be senile) man's brain. Although the ill-fated man's subconscious didn't want to ruin any big surprises, it did provide the panel with a taster of some of the traumatizing memories it has in store for the bastard such as:

  • That time when he (age 6) urinated in the laundry basket during a sleepwalking stint, blamed it on the dog and was asked my his mom to punish the 4 month old puppy by hand

  • The time he walked into his grandparents performing intercourse

  • His unresolved sexual attraction to Barney the Dinosaur

The man's subconscious mind ominously assured the panel that this will for all intents and purposes be the litmus test for the man. It continued to state that if he comes out of this lockdown psychologically unscathed, he is likely either much stronger or more screwed up than initially imagined.


At press time the man started sweating nervously when an episode of "Barney & Friends" perplexingly appeared as a recommended video on YouTube.

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